The ability to enjoy things that do not cause feelings of guilt or shame in peacetime is a guilty pleasure of martial law. It’s a kind of joy that is shameful to admit to. At the same time, shame intensifies the pleasure. It’s inappropriate and can be condemned both by the public and you. We punish ourselves with a mixture of negative thoughts, anxiety, and fear in our stomachs caused by eating the forbidden fruit. More than a year ago, I took a panoramic photo with my phone. I wanted to capture a moment of bliss from a meal in a quiet company. Yet, peace and comfort make me angry. I feel like I have no right to experience this. I (and those at the same table with me) have no right to eat schnitzel while drinking beer. This relative normality looks surreal, strange, and distorted. Even for those on the home front, it highlights the contrasts of our times. The horizontal elongation of the images creates an allusion to the plot of The Last Supper. We live in a moment of tangible threat and proximity of death: we don’t know who will be hit by a missile tomorrow and who will go to war voluntarily or by the decision of other people. For some, this can literally be the last supper “before the crucifixion” in a state of “normalcy.” Of course, all of this may sound blasphemous, and here the circle closes – I am ashamed again.
Photos by Polina Polikarpova for Artslooker